Life can really bring you down sometimes. Ok, my life can really bring me down sometimes. I lay in bed some nights in the dark and wonder what it would be like to run away from this place. From this city, from my life. Run somewhere that no one knows me. Where I can reinvent myself completely. Run from some in my life that I would not be able to escape otherwise

But then the one person in my life that I really want to run from would still find me. He would find me because I would take him with me. Not in the flesh but in me. He lives in me, in my heart, in my blood, in my very soul. I know that no matter how far I run or how much I tried to hide he would still be there. He would be there in the deepest of night calling to me. And I would answer. Just as I always do. There's no escaping the one who you have let into your heart. The one that you have freely given your heart, body and soul to. Or at least there's not for me.

I love him. I really do, more than anything. We once dated, but that has been over for 3 years now. We are still friends. He has told me on more than one occasion that we could be toghter if I just gave up my beliefes. If I would get saved and follow the rest of the herd with Jesus leading. I would do anything in my power to be with him. Only he asks for the one thing that is not in my power. To turn my back on my gods. On my beliefes. On the one thing that makes me ME! No, that is not in my power to give. So, now I sit night after night in the darkness of my life alone, with out the one I love.

Yes, some nights I really do feel like running away.

I really can't stand it when someone trys (repeaedly) to shove there belifes on me. I have a friend, and as friends go he can at times be there when I really need him. But then there are times when he can get me to the point that I just want to reach through the phone and kill him I am very open about my eligion, Don't get me wrong I don't push it on anyone. But if asked I am all for giving my veiws on it. He however, has decided to make it his mission in life to convert me to save my soul. He by the way is Christian. He calls me up last night to inform me that he knows why things have been going down hill in my life on a number of areas. It is becouse I am going against Gods will. The way he sees it I am not doing what His god wants me to do. So therefor I am being punished. Punished, he says becouse god gave us free will and when we don't do what he wants then we pay for it. Will In my opinion, this is not free will. How can one call it free will to do what one is told. If we have free will to do as we will then shouldn't that be total free will? Shouldn't we be allowed to go out and use our judgement and free will to do what brings us peace in our life so long as we harm none? Shouldn't we be allowed to make and learn from our mistakes and not have to worry about being punished?